I don’t know from where I shall start. Things are mixing with each other. I feel like to vomit at this moment. Confused, exhausted, bored, lost appetite for everything.
Start asking myself; what do I really want? What makes me feel, think and act in this negative way? Why can’t I adapt with any new situation? Why and why and why …thousands of questions are colliding in my mind!
What is going to happen tomorrow? What is my coming plan? What If I couldn’t fulfill my dreams? Why suddenly everything become boring and repeated by the same way? Do I really have a clear picture about the future? Do I have enough self-awareness?
Iam sure that the easiest answer for the all above questions can summarize in the following: it’s all because of my negative way of thinking, because of me. No one is responsible for my misery .it is just me. Iam the one who should be blamed for my disappointment. So please keep me away from your repeated advices!
Miss reading but feel no desire to even hold a book. Thinking to do something new .playing music, joining yoga sessions and learning new language. It is something good whenever you are trying to update your life. Although of my bad feelings towards everything, still I feel that my situation is better than so many people who are really couldn’t investigate their problems!!! Have you noticed how contradictious iam?
Saying two opposite things at the same time! Ooooh god blesses me!
I was thinking that work will be a great solution to overcome my boredom and negative thinking and I had never thought that the opposite may happen! I was so excited working in a global company every one envies me having a position in it. However iam not happy about it at all! I feel like that the work iam doing can be done by the tea boy at the company and there is no use of my existence. This situation may be the first reason of my bad psychology along with other reason which I even don’t want to admit of its existence.
A very big desire inside me to travel .to stay away from everything here. I don’t want to dream about it right now because it’s not the right time. iam committed to a job now and couldn’t do things whenever I want as I used to do during the last two years! My freedom is governed by silly, stupid, killing job. My friend is putting the blame on me not at the nature of work iam doing. That’s may be true to some extent only. But iam not the only reason, the work iam doing me is not suiting my ambition and expectations. It is not at all.
This is the only way to try to release your pain and headache without annoying anyone .It is writing. At these moments I want cold lemon, kewi and mint fresh juice.
Good night
8; 17pm
6/10/2011
Mwalih
ليست هناك تعليقات:
إرسال تعليق